Written by Kirsty Turner

The experience of losing touch with yourself can feel painful, confusing, and sad.

Sometimes we first notice an ache that makes us feels as though we are missing something essential. We may feel a longing for something that we need but cannot get to. At other times, our need to tend to ourselves can express itself through an intense sense of crisis – a feeling of panic, overwhelm or brokenness.

Many things in our lives can contribute to us losing our connection with ourselves. You may find the busyness of your life distracts you from keeping in touch with how you feel and what you need. Or you may realise that you tend to focus so much on other people’s needs and priorities that you forget and neglect yourself.

No matter how we experience this, we can learn to try to respond in a way that helps us honour being with ourselves whatever state we are in.

The beauty of learning to listen to our pain is that we can begin to be more alert to this disconnection. We can then practice, over and over again, returning back to ourselves, and giving ourselves the attention that we need.

As we awaken to this, we discover that there are many ways, big and small, to heal from this separation. Grabbing tiny moments to savour small pleasures, expressing ourselves through art, or committing to some regular time alone can all help. Being with a person who can listen and support us to make this reconnection, such as a close friend, psychotherapist, or counsellor, can give us a powerfully restoring experience of self-care.

When we do this consistently, we find we have more energy to sustain our focus on what really matters to us and enjoy our lives more fully. We will discover that the effort it takes to give ourselves the attention we need is well worth the reward of returning to a sense of being back home in ourselves.